Friday, February 9, 2007

not redeemed.

9th February.
Some smiled, some cried, others shrug.
I knew that this was coming. went to mad jack to have lunch and i swear that there's this bad phenomical atmosphere surrounding me. I was really tired. Went back to nanyang to collect the olevels results (HCL)
As my register no was number 24, ( the last few). Almost all or rather everyone got a printed A on their results script. Jumping with joy or tearing with relief, my adrenaline shot up to the maximum. i went forward and ji lao shi actually said this to me: " never mind." I knew my world was about to fall...
I signed my name on the class list.
i collected the slip.
took a second to realise that mine was different from the others. It wasnt printed an A on it. For that instant, i did not know how to react. *Mixed emotions* I did not know how to react nor tear nor smile nor anything. and within seconds i begin to break down. My tear glands regained its function. I have to admit i did a super childish act by flinging my result slip on the ground without knowing what im doing. Jilaoshi hugged me tight and she whispered:" You are really great. Don't cry."
and that makes me cry out even more.
She got me out of the hall, talked to me (together with many other gd friends--> yihong, sylvia, charmaine, jasmin, 407 peeps)
They all told me that the BSP rule was abolished. but seriously deep down, I know it wasnt the BSP rule that was piercing my emotions all along. It was pride and ego. i never felt so confused. I never felt so lost. I never felt so lousy. At that moment. never in my nanyang life did i score a B before. never. HCL was my fav and best subj and tada it has to be the real exam that makes me understand that i suck.
jilaoshi said:" I know you scored a A long ago you took the exam. the exam was not enough to measure your abilities. Don't think about it."
I remembered hearing similar things like that during PSLE.
and i began to break down even more.
Charmaine came and we talked. Talk to jilaoshi about what i should do next. Began to regain my composure. went back to hwachong.
and when i was at the class bench, Ms Helen Yeo msged me something really touching. at that instant, i felt like running back to nanyang to hugg her and tell her that what she did really melt my heart, kissed my soul and kept that fire burning. She typed:" In my eyes, you are a true winner" *melts*
For all my four years in ny, i didnt know that words and language are that powerful.
i want to thank Ms Yeo and Jilaoshi very much:) They were there to keep it burning. their huggs were warmth, their words were soft. Oh yarh thanks Jimmy too. for msging comforting msg to me. Yihong, Bao na and jasmin(",)
and yupp to my 73 class:
thou i heard that the BSP rule was removed ( erm not confirmed and MOE did not even officially announce it) but apparently i think weilin and I are gg to change to another class together with the second intake pple. yarh if that really happens, you all must he mu xiang chu with heng okay. I think he is quite nice. world peace:) make 07s73 the best class... treasure the moments

*whoosh* *painting the class banner now--- with pride*

huizhuang

Posted by zhuang at 10:50 PM